Story #14: The Fantasy Quest of Epicness

CHAPTER 1: THE BEGINNING

               Jerry was a normal man living in a normal town in medieval times. He lived a calm life and never wished for anything more. And then, one day, a wizard dude broke into his house. “Why did you just break into my house?!” Jerry asked the wizard. “I don't ken. But there's this crazy thing circumnavigating that's called ‘The Evil Demon Lord of Tenebrosity.’ Please avail vanquish him!!!! Please!!!”
               “What did you just say?” responded Jerry. But his efforts were in vain, as the wizard guy had already broken out of the house via window, leaving only a small sword. Jerry inspected the sword and saw that there were odd markings on it. Otherwise, though, it was just a lame boring wooden sword. Jerry picked it up and it instantly broke.
               He thought about it and realized that he didn’t know what else he was going to do with his life, so he decided to set out on this epic quest the wizard was talking about. Apparently, he needed to defeat some demon lord or something? Well, who cares? I don’t, and neither does Jerry, as he immediately left the house to start the long and dangerous journey.
               As soon as Jerry stepped outside, he was immediately accosted by his first opponent: the landlord. “You’re evicted, buster,” the landlord said menacingly. “I don’t care,” replied Jerry, as he walked past and out of the nearby village.

 

CHAPTER 2: INTO THE GRASSLANDS

               Jerry stepped out of the village gates and into the vast fields of Paraplonia. He looked around and saw, well, fields. He also saw some monstrous giant slimes and various other gross creatures that looked ready to devour him at a mere moment’s notice. He contemplated the idea of walking back into the village, but remembered he had a task to do. So, he pressed on.
               He walked through the fields for what felt like forever when he reached a large body of water with a bridge on top. He thought, for approximately an hour, on what to do, when he concluded that he should probably cross the bridge.
               The bridge-crossing was uneventful, until he reached the end, where he saw an imposing figure. It was a large goblin with an axe that was protruding from a sword that was protruding from his fist. “WHO GOES THERE???!?!?!!?!?!??!?!” he screeched extremely loudly. “Uhm, just me,” replied Jerry. “WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!” the goblin responded.
               “How about no?” countered Jerry, as he stepped past the goblin and kept walking. “NO!!!!! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” yelled the goblin in immeasurable pain as Jerry just kept strolling along.
               Eventually, Jerry reached the base of a dangerous-looking mountain and thought, Yeah, I should probably climb this, and began to.

 

CHAPTER 3: INCREDIBLY INTENSE MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING ADVENTURE

               As Jerry climbed the very tall mountain, he began to realize he hadn’t slept in multiple days, which was a bit of a problem. However, he pressed on. However (yet again), after climbing for a few more hours, he passed out of exhaustion. This, of course, was not pleasant for Jerry, as he promptly tumbled down from the mountain and fell into the abyss of uncertainty. Really, though, he just fell to the ground with a resounding whumph. He was not dead, however. However, he actually was dead. The last sentence before the last one was simply a joke. No one could have survived that. Obviously.

 

 

CHAPTER 4: JERRY GETS SENT TO PURGATORY

               Jerry once again landed with a resounding whump, but this time, it was in a new place. He stood up – painfully – and looked around, seeing nothing but blank void. He then glanced at his hands. He then found out a terrifying truth: he was a ghost. It was so utterly traumatizing that he ran around the void for three hours screaming constantly. By the time he stopped, his vocal cords (do ghosts have vocal cords?) felt like they had been stabbed eighteen times.
               After that ordeal, Jerry decided to do something more productive with his day and cried for another four hours straight. After that, he finally decided to look around more, and what he saw terrified him. It was nothing. Simply nothing, for thousands of miles in every direction. Of course, Jerry could only assume it stretched for thousands of miles, he couldn’t see that far.
               “Well,” thought Jerry aloud, “what now?” The answer was to just sit and cry more. Jerry was not a very intelligent or productive man. He then, after all that was FINALLY over, decided to venture in one direction and see if he could find anything. Spoilers: he didn’t.

 

 

THE END