Story #9: The Amazing Adventures of Azrael I: Azrael vs. The Merciless (Part 1)

 Azrael was sitting. Actually, right now he was just Jean Paul Valley, but he sure was sitting.

***

The Merciless was sitting. Suddenly, he had a thought. Wow, I should kill someone!!! So he tore open a portal in spacetime and entered it.

***

CRASH

That was the noise Jean heard as a strange armored man fell into his house from above.

“Who are you?” Jean asked.

“My name is…

SHAKE ZULA

THE MIC RULA

THE OLD SCHOOLA

YOU WANT A TRIP

I’LL TAKE IT TO YA

FRYLOCK AND YOU’RE ON TOP

ROCK YOU LIKE A COP

MEATWAD YOU’RE UP NEXT WITH YOUR KNOCK-KNOCK

MEATWAD MAKES THE MONEY, SEE

MEATWAD GETS THE HONEYS, G

DRIVIN’ IN MY CAR

LIVIN’ LIKE A STAR

ICE ON MY FINGERS AND MY TOES AND I’M A TAURUS

UH, CHECK CHECK IT, YA

CAUSE WE ARE THE AQUA TEENS

MAKE THE HOMIES SAY HO AND THE GIRLIES WANNA SCREAM

CAUSE WE ARE THE AQUA TEENS

MAKE THE HOMIES SAY HO AND THE GIRLIES WANNA SCREAM

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE

NUMBER ONE IN THE HOOD, G.”

“What the flying f*ck does that even mean?” responded Jean.

“I don’t know, something about milkshakes. My actual name is…”

Suddenly, a milkshake busted into the room.

“I am Master Shake and you all can go to Hater Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What.”

“I am the Master, okay???!!??! The Master SHAKE!!”

The masked figure slowly stood up, sword drawn. “Get out,” he told Master Shake.

“Ugh, fine,” responded the milkshake. He left the building.

“What was all that about?” Jean asked the masked man.

“No clue. Oh yeah, and I’m the Merciless.”

“Great name.”

“Shut it.”

Suddenly, Jean performed a strange interpretive dance that encased him in his Azrael garments.

“what.”

Azrael simply stared at him.

“Okay then. Well I guess it’s time for me to make like a banana and split your head open and devour the sweet, delicious fruit inside.”

“That didn’t even work,” Azrael remarked.

“Shut up. You demented child of evil. The last grain of sand has fallen through the hourglass of your life.”

But by the time the Merciless had finished his little oral essay, Azrael had already left via window.

“Well crap.”

TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF AZRAEL FOR THE CONCLUSION OF THIS EXTRAORDINARY TALE!!!!!!!!!!!!